Well it started out as a bold enterprise. Start looking for a new car. Visit a few dealerships and see what the cars actually look and feel like, while avoiding deadly contact with the Klingons (err car sales people).

Really missed having phasers and photon torpedoes. Shields would have been useful. Cloaking device, essential. Expendable security officers, check. As it was, unarmed and in hostile territory.

Our current starship is getting a little old. If we don't get it replaced, we may not make it home to our distant planet. The question is:

Buy new or used? Dealer or private? Friend or foe?

Online reviews. Consumer reports. Lemonaide Guide… recommended makes and models. This should be easy.

But space is cold. Absolute zero. Unless you are in a star, then you vapourize.

Comfortable planets are rare. Easy ways to find and buy a good car are even rarer.

Looking at one model that was reviewed, but it is too small. Literally… my head hits the roof. I can't drive 5 gazillion light-years crouched down. Was the reviewer a small green man? What about that other model?

"Enemy wessel approaching." "Captain, we are being probed. Their weapons are armed." "Raise shields." "Communication coming through."

"Captain, we have you in our weapons range and will destroy you and your vessel unless you comply. This is our territory and we make the rules. If you want a new spaceship you must play our game, our way. Surrender your wallet and 50% of your future pre-tax income and a hostage or you will be annihilated."

"How do we know we can trust you?"

"Ha, ha, haaaa. You can't. But you don't have a choice."

"What guarantees do we have that our new vehicle will get us home safely and our crew member will be returned."

"You have our word AND we'll give you a piece of paper. If you act now you have get a free set of tribbles for your trouble."

"I just have to run the deal through our supreme ruler (sales manager)".

… heading home in the new spaceship, a thousand pounds of dilithium lighter in the wallet.

"Captain, the ship is speeding up unexpectedly. We are approaching warp 7… warp 8."

"Cut power and reverse thrusters."

"No Response… warp 9…"

"Eject the anti-matter"

"Captain, we are stopping!"

"Call the dealer and have them repair our ship".

"Captain, the dealer says that our warranty is not valid if we have tribbles on board."

Ahhhh! Kahn!!!!

…Does your sales process alienate your customers?