I was recently reading an article in the Okotoks Western Wheel titled "Alberta's fish are on drugs". When put together with other information I have come across I came to a startling realization.
Calgarians (actually western Albertans) are manlier for a scientific reason; and it has nothing to do with the Calgary Stampede.
The Facts About Fish
People take birth control pills and other medications in large quantities. Our kidneys are very efficient at removing these chemicals from our bodies. People then use the um, ah, well facilities and give those medications back to the municipality. As well, the old wives remedy for excess medication is to flush it.
Waste treatment facilities are unable to effectively remove many of these chemicals (but they can remove most of the ummm, sorry… crap). Some of these chemicals are also "estrogen" like. Where does all that treated water go?
Well, it goes back into the rivers along with other chemicals from things like antibacterial soap that contains a chemical called triclosan that acts as a "endocrine disruptor".
The hormones and chemicals add up to "feminize" fish. Yes, male fish grow ovaries.
This water then flows east from Alberta into Saskatchewan and other destinations.
What Does This Do To People?
As far as I am aware, male humans downstream from us are not growing ovaries. However, we all know that excess hormones in humans exaggerate emotions.
Calgarians (and Albertans) have long suspected that people east of us were spending more time crying over a lack of jobs and money than working hard to reproduce money.
See now we know the real reason. Too much estrogen in the water! It is not their fault, it is sort of ours. Well they were blaming us anyways.
Now you may be thinking, "I drink bottled water".
But we all know chemicals can be absorbed through the skin so you can run, but you can't hide. If you bath or shower, you are not immune.
Now Calgary is downstream from a few towns. So it is fair to say that city dwellers here are probably a little less manly than many of those dwelling in more manly places like Canmore (as in there is no can't in Canmore) and Bragg Creek, where they coincidentally spend more time in the wild back country. However, because our upstream towns are so small it isn't so bad.
I also speculate what would happen if you are downstream from a major retirement community; thinking Viagra here. But I think you would have to move west to BC to experience that.
Well Water
Apparently the water coming from your well has been down there for like a hundred years or more. This means that our rural dwellers are drinking the same water as our pioneers did; with much less estrogen.
This makes rural dwellers much more manly for a reason other than the fresher air.
I know this for a fact. Since I moved out of the city onto a small acreage, I have learned to fix me traktor, all about septic fields and other manly rural skills. Red-neck Alberta is 20 years behind for a reason… less estrogen in the water.
Drinking Beer
Drinking expensive white wine and champagne reinforces the effects of estrogen on the body and mind. Drinking beer (or whiskey) can cancel the effects of estrogen quite significantly. No need to prove this, just watch people near closing time at the local bar.
Call To Action
So come on Calgarians. Take up this challenge.
Let's spend less time washing our hands and reproducing money. Let's drink beer, forget to take the birth control pills and make love. We owe it to the environment and our eastern neighbours.
Oh, and any software developers extraordinaire living east of Calgary, move here before it is too late. If nothing else, we are upstream; and that is a good thing.
We have the Calgary Stampede and we are more manly. It is an undisputed scientific fact.
